As infantile as this exercise appears to be, I will play along with it and see if it helps. Phil says that it helps him achieve zen, but I’ve been able to be successful without going crazy.
I’ve decided in this to record my encounters with sideline reporters. They always show up to ask me questions at the most inconvenient times. Which is pretty much always. They always just show up and say “Pop” and expect me to give them a straight answer. Why should I do that? You’re the ones who are disrespecting my privacy.
I don’t know if this thing will actually help me to stay calmer but it is a nice place to vent to when these dang reporters try to ask me a question. They are like gnats that just follow you around and try to annoy you. I was in the store today and they followed me in. Now I couldn’t find them, but I heard the Pop and turned around expecting to see David Aldridge standing there, but instead there was just some high school student chomping on some gum. This has happened a lot recently where they’ll try to get my attention by yelling Pop but then they disappear.
I decided to go to a chiropractor to try and get myself ready for the upcoming season, and as I’m laying there they start working on me and soon enough I hear what sounds like Doris Burke saying Pop Pop Pop Pop so I look up to try and see what she wants but she isn’t there. Just the chiropractor. So I put my head back down and try to relax, until I hear another Pop and it sounds like it’s right on my back! So I flip over and she’s gone again. I swear I’m going to catch them one of these days.
I need a new security system. I poured myself a bowl of cereal and then put some milk in. As I’m carrying the milk back to the fridge the whole house starts howling with calls of Pop coming from my Rice Crispies. I don’t know how they got in my house. But I’m starting to think that they just have speakers placed all over so that they can annoy me. I started to eat my cereal that was still sounding like it was saying my name, but eventually I guess the batteries wore out and it stopped so I could eat my now soggy cereal in peace.
Now that practice has started and the season is coming closer I will need to have actual contact with these insane reporters. They all are playing it off nice and cool, so I think I’ll play along. During these first couple pre-season games I’ve mostly just been asked where I think our team will end up this year. Of course I have to say that “We’ll be good, but there are a lot of good teams out there”, but I truly think that this year will be another championship year. I upgraded the Duncanbot (I added some new lubricants in his joints that should keep him moving better this year), because even robots get run down. My scientists told me to try and use the Bluetooth connectivity for Kawhi Leonard but I’m not sure how to connect using my phone, he’ll be voice activated again this year. This system has worked well in the past and the sideline reporters haven’t been able to figure it out yet. I’m not sure I want to change things up.
Everybody keeps asking me why we lost in Germany, well I’ll tell you. I forgot the European adapters for my bots… So I had to run out late at night and get some, but they only got a 75% charge and so I couldn’t let them play at full speed. The fact that 75% kept us in the game the whole time shows how good we’ll be this year. It was also great being there because I heard my name so much less. Did you know that in America there are full radio stations dedicated purely to defaming me? It’s true. I turn it on and they say their going over a countdown of “The Top 40 Pop Hits”. I’ve never hit anyone, so I don’t know where they’re getting their information, but it disgusts me too much to even listen. Ugh, well I have really enjoyed this diary writing thing. I guess I’ll keep it up.